Grumbling Stomachs

I was sitting at my computer this morning and all of a sudden my stomach started grumbling. You know what I mean, that kind of churning noise coming from within. That noise that keeps on going and going and going just like the freaking Energizer Bunny.

Where does it come from and why does it happen? I have always been told that you’re hungry because that is your stomach talking to you. But it happens at different and also sometimes the most inopportune times. OK for the most often I will concede that it happens if I am hungry at almost any time. But why does it always seem to happen when you are sitting in the chair at a doctor or the dentist office. This has happened to me on numerous occasions and you just want to get up and hide. But is this an internal noise that we just hear because it is in our bodies or is it a noise like passing gas that everyone can hear. My guess is that everyone hears it and thinks why didn’t this stupid guy eat something today, or what the hell is wrong with him, is his stomach going to explode in my office, better get him the heck out of here fast.

I really think this happens because your body just wants to screw with your mind. It may be that you haven’t eaten yet, but your body says I am going to get back at this SOB for not feeding me and embarrass him in front of the dentist and his hot assistant and everyone within a one mile radius that will be able to hear this. This will teach this dumbass guy to feed me on a regular schedule.

And there are two different types of stomach grumblings, there is the nosiy grumbling when you have to eat as opposed to the churning and grumbling your stomach makes when you have to take a dump. Now I think the dump one is silent and it is just your body’s way of telling you that a bomb is going to go off soon from within your body and you better find a place to sit down fast or else once again it will embarrass you by crapping all over yourself. It still all has to do with food because it makes the noises of stomach grumbling if you feed it and it also churns and grumbles when you possibly have eaten the wrong thing that your body did not like.

Lastly, there is the ultimate embarrassing body noise, yes, you got it, the fart. But I just won’t go there with the description of the loud ripping noises that can echo throughout a crowd or the disgusting smell of the built up toxic gasses within our bodies. Sometimes they are sneak attacks and we did not know one was going to scoot out, and at other times we know one is coming but can’t do anything about it. Men have a much easier time I think with letting one rip in public; especially boys who tend to make a game out of whose can smell the worst. Most of the worst ones I have experienced have been by boys or men. I just do not think women fart in public, they hold them in until they can get to a bathroom because that is the lady like thing to do. Men just do what comes natural and let em rip. I just laugh and think of the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles and all the embarrassing moments that the body has pulled on me. Oh well.

Oops, Guess I briefly went there anyway. Have a great day!!