Friday, December 31, 2010

Crop Dusting Time at Wally World

You have to have been living on another planet or just plain out of touch with reality if you do no know what I am referring to by Wally World. Is it a fun park?? Is it a world of its own?? Is it a place where everyone should be called Wally?? The answers to these are looming in the background, foreground or should be right in your face.

However, before I get into any answers on that, let’s talk about the name Wally. I just personally think that Wally is a silly name. Yes it has history when used as Walter, “Sir Walter Raleigh” is a perfect example and it does sound dignified. But what about “Sir Wally Raleigh” to me it sounds silly and kind of like to should be a kid’s song title. Wally also reminds me somehow of Weebles. Remember, Weebles wobble but they won’t fall down. Wallys wobble but they won’t fall down is just as funny to me. If you ask me, although John Candy did not play a character named Wally, but he did work at Walley World in “Vacation”, he should have been named Wally too because he looks like a Weebly Wally.

Ok now back to our Wally World, and No the answer is not an amusement park because that was just fictional for the movie. But wait… maybe in the real sense of the word it is an amusement park because I am amused at the people who actually visit its name sake which is really a department store / grocery store fun park world all in itself.

Just look at the diversity of people in a Walmart they are from every ethnic background and culture, every socio- economic group, every city (except NY, Chicago) Yeah, that makes sense. Think of the money lost by not having stores n the inner part of those major cities, and I am possibly missing a few more. The inner city would be the perfect place for a frickin WalMart. Weird people and more weird people and weird stories and more weird stories.

Have you ever checked out the website. http://www.peopleofwalmart.com The pictures and captions are absolutely hilarious as well as some of the stories. It has proven the Walmart is definitely the Mecca of fashion for the redneck world. Look at the pictures on the website… woohoo!!! Laughing my ass off!! Also, if you want to see fat butt cracks like those on your plumber, you came to the right place. Butt Crack City. Hey, maybe that should be the new name. Big butt cracks, small butt cracks, hanging boobies ,cleavage on heavy women who have not bathed in a week. Yep all the stuff that just wants to make you puke.

Wow, what great stuff and stories and pictures about some of the scum of the earth and just weird ass low life’s that visit Walmart on regular occasion. Now, not to say that I or many other normal people ( if you could call me normal) have not been at a Walmart in the past as I admit I have. I normally throw on a baseball hat and large sunglasses so no one recognizes me, but WTF most of the people in there a Frickin Scary.

That is why I propose that we have a day set aside each month to Crop Dust all Walmart Stores. This could either be a simultaneous operation with all stores being dusted at the same time. Or better yet, I think it should be a random times so the enemy does not know what is coming. It could be a dual phased attack with small remote control planes circling the store and dropping substances that would make the creatures retreat back into their holes. The voice would come over the intercom “ ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE CROP DUSTED !!! The first phase of the tiny airplanes would begin bobbing and weaving above every aisle. And spraying disinfectant! Then when they are running out of the store, we could have a second wave of real crop dusters flying over the parking lot with flyers dropping from the plane offering free anything. They will then leave the Walmart in search of the free stuff. Once all the scum is eliminated it would then be safe for normal people to once again go in search of their cheap items without having the annoyance or amusement of watching the weirdoes. Then again, what fun would it be to go without the show? Oh, decisions, decisions, decisions.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A Tide Pen for Everything !!! ???

Ok so I had to ask what a Tide Pen was when I got this suggestion, but did figure it out with a little help from Google. For those of you challenged like me, a Tide Pen is a little pen that you rub on a stain when you get one that takes it out after washing it. Now we will not debate whether or not it really works as some people swear by it and others curse by it.

That’s right there are products that get rid of everything. Tide Pen, Magic Eraser and who can forget Billy Mays pitching Fix-It Pro, Mighty Mend-It and last but not least Oxiclean.

So what if we had a product for everything we screwed up in our lives and “poof” it would magically be back to the way it was before we screwed it up. Or do we really want to fix everything we screwed up because some things are better left unfixed. Kind of like the old movie “Back to the Future”. If some things weren’t messed up then others would not have happened and then everything would be different but would it be different for the better or for the worse.

Ok lets’ say we had a product that took care of all bad past relationships. “ Poof”… it took care of the relationship part but the other person is still as Asshole or Bitch or whatever else they were that caused the bad relationship. Yep it can take the stain out of an ugly shirt, but damn, it is still an ugly shirt. But what the hell not a bad concept.

BUT WAIT !!!!!!

Now Eddy P has an Amazing Offer just for you !!!

Still having problems with that Asshole that the Tide Pen would not fix…., you can still fix the second part of this with the Amazing Asshole Eraser. That’s right for $$$$$$$$ you can get the Amazing Asshole eraser and make sure that the Asshole is no longer around at all. The Asshole Eraser is shipped to you via plane, train or automobile and looks amazingly human. It comes in a variety of Ethnic variations and comes equipped with a multitude of Fantastic Options for dealing with Assholes including a 44 Magnum for the ultimate wipeout, Nunchuckas, the Tanya knee busters for immobilization rather than elimination, and the Elin autographed Flying Golf Club, among other mass weapons of Asshole destruction. That’s right for a mere $$$$$$$ you can eliminate that problem. But wait there’s more. If you order now you get a CD of the complete Guide to Communicating with the Asshole Eraser in Song. That’s right, Songs made to communicate with your Asshole Eraser Completely Free. The songs include the necessary information to program your Asshole Eraser to take care of the problem, and are cute little jingles to sing while you know the problem is being eliminated. Hit Tunes like “Just kill the SOB” , “Wipe that MF off the face of the earth” and the favorite. “Eliminate Him Now”

Disclaimer: Product not warranted against eventual arrest for Murder, Manslaughter or other Criminal Activity.