It was recently brought to my attention that the abductions from outer space have begun on some of my friends’ children. You know what I mean; they sweep down in their spaceships from the Planet “Stupidia Ignoramus “and abduct our teenage children. It’s not that the children become missing but that they replace them with exact” look a likes”. The only problem is the” look alike” has had everything we taught them sucked out of their brains. All the common sense you thought you taught them is now completely gone.
This typically happens to children between the ages of 13 to 16, but they do not come back sometimes until they reach 18 or so. You can not notice the fact that they are missing immediately as it takes a while for you to realize that this is not your child anymore. Yes, it begins somewhat innocently with the occasional mouth off which you typically would beat the crap out of them for or put them on restrictions, but over time these alien children become immune to these punishments and just don’t care. Then it all begins to snowball, they don’t listen any more, they don’t clean rooms, they mouth off and disrespect any authority figure. Yes, this is just the easy stuff.
As time goes on it just gets worse, these alien kids are now growing into large monster beings and they begin to steal your cars for joy riding, run away from home, skip school and tons of other disturbing behavior As a parent you start to think is this really the child I raised, the answer is NO. This is an alien “Stupidian Ignoramus “who has been sent here to test your resiliency against any type of situation. It is a test by the aliens to see exactly how much bullshit an adult human being can stand before one completely frickin snaps or go into a nervous breakdown because of the “Ignoramus”. This is all a preemptive move as they prepare to attack and rule the earth.
You may wonder how they communicate with the alien child as to what moves to make to drive you crazy. This is done in a variety of methods. The easiest method is through the other “Ignoramus” children here on earth often referred to as their “friends”. These friends pass on the communications they have previously had and put ideas in these “our” aliens’ heads as to how to screw with our heads. They often communicate back to “Stupidia Ignoramus “via their computers and video games. Why do you think they whine so much when their headpiece to XBOX breaks, that is because they are then out of communication with the home planet. They will often shut their doors while this communication is in place and mask their talking by the music coming from “Rock Band”. The last form of communication is with text messaging, normal humans cannot move their fingers as fast as these alien kids on those tiny little keyboards.
In addition to the behavior problems, the “Stupidian Ignoramuses” beings eat you out of house and home, they bring over the other alien beings that have now grown to be over 6 feet tall and eat everything you may have around. Even though you have plenty of food they constantly complain about the fact that there is nothing to eat. These alien friends are often disguised as teammates on your childs’ football team, basketball team or for that manner any sport or activity group. This is an attempt to hit at part of our dwindling finances by making us spend more money on food. Then once you have plenty of food in the house they eat it all in one day with their alien friends and start the complaining all over again. They constantly ask for money to do this or to do that and typically do not want to get a job to help pay for anything but think it is a given right to their existence. Another way they hit our finances is for all the medications “Prozac” we have to buy for ourselves to cope with them.
As you are just about at your wits end after many years of this emotional merry go round ,financial distress and sleepless nights, all of sudden the behavior stops, they start acting responsibly, get jobs, pay for their food, drive their own cars, go to college and become adult like people. This is when you can tell that the aliens have returned your child now to you and are ready to abduct a whole new group of children. Congratulation, you have just raised a teenager and you now have a young adult!!!
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