Rednecks ooppss meant to say Mullets...

Sorry about the title, I got confused since the two go so much hand in hand, I forgot which one I was asked to write about this week. Yes, you got it, the fashion statement of the century; the mullet.

When I think of a mullet the first thing that comes to mind is David Spade playing “Joe Dirt”. In my opinion one of the frickin funniest movies I have ever seen because it is the stereotype personified. It’s strange the way our minds associate peoples personalities, intelligence or in this case lack of due to a physical appearance or a terrible mistake in judgment by thinking this haircut looks cool.

OK now for those of you who may be saying “What is a mullet” I want to know what rock you have been hiding under all your life. But just to be fair a “mullet” is a type of hairstyle which is short or cropped in the front and side and is long in the back. They seem to have had the majority of their popularity in the 80’s and early 90’s and basically South of the Mason Dixon line in the US., although some misguided people in other areas are sometimes seen with this illness also. You would think the opposite, long hair means it keeps things warmer so it makes sense that it would be popular if anyplace in the northern states. But this proves my theory on the intellectual powers of people who have mullets since they are in the south where long hair would typically be a problem due to the heat, but these people are so dumb they don’t think that way, they just let the back of their hair grow and grow and grow.

I have 2 theories that the length of the hair is proportionate to the lack of intelligence exhibited by mullet wearing people.

1) Having a mullet in the southern regions causes a type of heatstroke during the summer months which then affects their brains ability to think and react to the world in a normal manner

2) When mullet people are sleeping at night, the hair becomes alive and starts` to wrap itself around the necks of all people who have mullets. This causes a lack of oxygen to their brains which leads to the same effect as above

In addition to mullet people having delusional thoughts that this hairstyle actually looks good, mullets cause the behavior of mullet people to become extremely offensive to others, this includes
· drinking alcohol to excess ( this is to help them forget they have mullets)
· decreasing levels of intelligence on a daily basis ( due to alcohol consumption and the lack of oxygen as noted in theory 2)
· terrible hygiene (they forget to bathe due to the brain deterioration)

In closing I would like to leave you with a little know fact on mullets that maybe will one day be a Jeopardy question or something like that. A mullet is also a type of fish. It is often called a shit fish because when waste is dumped overboard from Navy ships the mullet is the first fish to the scene to eat it. I have just had a revelation, the fact is, most mullet people smell like shit and look like shit and that a mullet haircut is a piece of shit so it just makes sense that a mullet fish would eat shit.