Football Withdrawal

OK now, it’s Sunday afternoon and it’s the middle of February. The Super Bowl is over and it is officially football withdrawal time. You know what I mean. It was bad enough that Saturday football was no longer on because college football ended after the barrage of 5000 meaningless bowl games during the month of December. Not to say this was unwanted because in the mind of a true football fan you can never have enough games on at one time and meaningless games still have some good plays.

What is one to do? Let’s ponder the possibilities. First let’s talk about the stay at home watchers. If you were smart enough you could have DVR’d all the games of your favorite teams and then randomly play them back Sunday by Sunday. Yep, get your case of beer on ice in your cooler right next to you, your snacks, wings, and chili and watch the games all over. It is meaningless but it is still a way to get drunk by yourself on a Sunday afternoon. Who knows you may have been drunk enough initially that you could not remember the game so then it would be all new to you anyway. If you do remember some of the bad plays, you can get geared up for it knowing you are going to say why in the hell did he do that or think of some other expletive to say that you originally did not say. Who cares because no one is listening to you anyway as you slur your expletives on the way to passing out and dreaming of next years season. Now, take it a step further, you could have DVR’d some games that you did not watch because you were watching another game or something like that, then although you most likely know the outcome the game is all new to you and you can cheer on the plays that your friends told you about that you missed the first time.

But we all know Football is a social event, so what about those that went out somewhere to watch games in a crowd. You walk into what was a busy bar 3 weeks ago and it is desolate. No one is there but you and a few other diehard football junkies who are also going through withdrawal. You stare at the basketball game or golf or gymnastics or ice skating that is now on television. You order a beer just to have something to cry in because football is not on anymore. The television just doesn’t look the same, there are no people crushing each other into the ground in mindless hostility.

Then you think, Ice Hockey now that is some violence. The only problem with that is the puck is moving too fast on the screen for you to see or comprehend after drinking six beers. It is all a blur as the bodies’ crash into each other at 100 miles an hour. It just is not the same as eight 300 pound linemen lumbering and crushing into each other with the sounds of the helmets and grunting coming from the field. Oh no, where is my football. What to do???

What about NASCAR, yep there is nothing better to do in my mind than to watch a bunch of millionaire rednecks drive around in circles until something happens and they crash into each other. The spectators are rough and noisy, they like to throw chicken wings down from the nosebleed seats into the rest of the people. Maybe some breast flashing on the infield will help alleviate the withdrawal symptoms of no football. Well that would help but you have to be there and unfortunately they will not show bare breasts on TV, too bad. But being rednecks most of them are probably fat women with droopy ones anyway and I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t do anything for me.

Then there is always basketball and golf, but there is not enough violence there to feed the phantom beast that is a football fan. What to do, what to do?

My suggestion is to just drink enough beer that you have forgotten there in no real football for another 6 months or so until training camp starts or you can always watch Arena Indoor Football, whenever that comes on later this spring. Yeah right, watching Arena Football is like kissing you cousin. Yes, it is football, but it just doesn’t fell right, that is unless you live in West Virginia.