2:00 AM Feeding Frenzies

The bars are all closed and you could did not go home with that guy or gal you thought you would all night, now it is just you and your friends. (Again) So what are you going to do now, the 4:00 AM bar is too far for you to drive back after drinking some more and you would still be by yourself anyway.

So, what else to do but eat!! Yep, that’s right the Waffle House’s busiest time of the night. After 2:00AM rejected drunks feeding frenzy. They don’t even notice that most of the waitresses there have no teeth, they don’t care, and they just want to soak up that alcohol with grease and slurringly recap the night.

It really doesn’t matter whether it’s Waffle House, Huddle House, House of Pancakes, White Castle, Krystal’s or many others their main focus after 2:00 AM on the weekends is for drunks to come in and try to sober up by drinking coffee and eating whatever greasy substance they can put down their stomachs without throwing up. Not that anyone has ever thrown up in any of those places at that time of night. I normally would at least step outside before I puked on the side of the building. I mean that is the courteous drunk thing to do, at least this way no one has to clean it up or it could be hosed down in the morning.

There was place in Charlotte once upon time called Hugo’s (not sure if it is still open as this was at least 15 yrs ago). They had what I thought were the best greasiest pork chops and eggs in the world. At least that is what I used to slur during many of the conversations I had there. The reason they were what I thought were the best pork chops is that no one knew for sure if they were really pork chops or not, but they did soak up the grease.

It is amazing the types of people you see in these places early in the morning. Of course, there are the ones who have been out drinking, but then again there are those that have been working like strippers, prostitutes, pimps, etc…. What a diverse and eccentric group of people all gathered in one place to end an evening. I also remember one evening when some very attractive women had walked into Hugo’s and I said to my friend. Hey, Chris look at ober dere ad dose women, ya know I’ve shene r neked. Yes, I had recognized them from a club I had been at but that’s not the point. The point is to understand and talk in the language called slurish. Yes, slurish in that language we talk to each other in at 2:00 AM in the morning and we each understand one another, because everyone else is as drunk as you. It doesn’t matter if you are talking to the table next to you or the cashier they all understand the language at 2:00 AM.
I know we can all go on and on with our personal stories on this and the names of different places we each favored during those years of drinking and slurring and puking and sleeping and then doing it again all over the next night.

The only argument you could ever get into at that time of night with your friends is, “Wherewe goanna eat? To me it just didn’t matter, but the ultimate name of one of these places should be “ Drunks R Us”

Think about it for a second, we have a Toy’s r us, Babies R us… why not a Drunks R us. This could be a multifunctional gathering place for those who like to stay out after 2:00 AM. It could have specially equipped rest rooms with drains and hoses so that the puke could easily be washed down at any time in case you do not make it outside. It could also still serve more alcohol up until 4:00 AM for those who have not yet had enough. I would also make it a low so it would be a No Cop Zone, this way they do not try to follow our drunk asses out of the special gathering place reserved for us. Lastly, it would have cots for rent in a separate part of the building so we can sleep it off and then wake up in a place where we can start all over again.